


The End of the Forking World

by cosmic_marigolds



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Crossover, End of the World, Maybe some angst, Other, no smut though sorry folks', probably some fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-18 11:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19334029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_marigolds/pseuds/cosmic_marigolds
Summary: When Shawn notifies Michael of the upcoming Armageddon, he enlists the help of two cast-outs from Heaven and Hell, Team Cockroach, and a small handful of...very confused humans





	1. A hitch in Attempt #838

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's ethics lessons may finally be paying off as he is faced with Armageddon

CHAPTER ONE

Michael sat at his desk, consumed in his own thoughts and mindlessly toying with a paper clip on his desk. It had only been two months since he and the humans had made the agreement, and everything seemed to be going according to plan

Too according to plan.

He thought by now that representatives from Higher Ups would come snooping around, trying to check on his progress. In fact, Shawn had been no stranger to popping in to make sure “Attempt number two” was going smoothly.

But Michael had heard nothing.

Vicky hadn’t been snooping around his office, he had received no calls from Shawn.

What the fork was going on?

“Hey, Janet?” Michael called

The brunette not-robot popped into the office with a ping “Hello, Michael,”

“Janet,” Michael mused “You-you haven’t happened to hear anything from—higher ups, have you?”  
Janet looked up, in thought.

“I have not received any word from Higher Ups on the progress of the neighborhood. But!” she raised a helpful pointer finger up “I did receive a message from Shawn that he wanted to speak to you right away!”

Michael froze. Fear began to rise in his throat, and his armpits began to leak (What was that called again? Sweating? He didn’t have his cloth on him). Did he suspect that Michael had been fudging his reports? Was he about to be sent into Retirement?

“Wha-when did I get this message?” he sputtered, pulling at the collar of his shirt

“Just a few minutes ago!” Janet chirped, merrily “Here, I’ll put you through to him now!”

Before Michael could protest, a large holographic screen appeared in front of Michael’s guest, and after a few slow rings Shawn—in all his severity—appeared on screen.

“Good. You received my message. Good day, Michael”

Michael choked “H-hey, Shawn! How are-how’s it going at corporate?”

“Excellent. Michael, I wanted to talk to you. We’ve received word from one of our Bad Place co-ops about an upcoming event. I’ll need you to be on your toes in preparation of new neighborhoods”

Michael blinked. What was he going on about?

“What sort of event is this? A major earthquake? A war?”

“It’s a war, alright. The War to End All Wars”

Michael felt his stomach—or at least he thought it was his stomach—twist.

“You-you mean?”

“Armageddon”

The room went still. Even Janet’s default cheery demeanor seemed to go stiff.

“Ah. I-I see… how long until,” Michael gulped again “Until it happens?”

“We have about 10 hours until the end. In the meantime, I suggest you start to draft new neighborhood ideas and gear up. We’ll need all the help we can get to win this”

Michael tried to keep calm; his hands gripped together. “Well, we’ll get started! Th-thank you for the update, Shawn. We’re—we’re gonna win this thing!”

“There is no other option. Hell and The Bad Place will win The Great War. We’ll be in touch”

Sean vanished, along with the screen.

The office was quiet. After what felt like an eternity, Michael finally collapsed back into the chair. The End? Of everything? Michael had been to Earth maybe once or twice, but the one or two times he went, he had really come to like it.

And he truly loved humans.

The thought of all life ending when it didn’t have to shook Michael to his core. What would Eleanor and the gang think if they knew he had to aid in the upcoming apocalypse? They would never be able to trust him again.  
But then again, were they even supposed to trust him? He had been torturing them and re-setting their memories repeatedly for almost a year, it only made sense that now he would help bring about the end of humanity. And even though they were dead, Earth had still been their home. Now, Michael had to help destroy it in the War to End All Wars.

He groaned. “Great,” he muttered “Spend enough time around Chidi, and you start to develop one of his infamous stomachaches”

“If I may, Michael,” Janet finally piped, looking at Michael with a severity he had never seen.

“Ending the world doesn’t sound like the best of plans,”

“I know,” Michael said, almost silently “But, what can we do? It’s not as if we have any hope or plan or—or any sort of allies”

“Actually,” Janet finally perked up, newfound hope spurring upon her face “I know of an agent of Heaven, one of The Good Place’s co-ops, whose been living on Earth since its creation! And,” Janet wiggled with excitement “I’ve heard he’s also come to have doubts about The War to End All Wars”

Michael perked up at the thought. “Really? Do you—do you think he’d even consider helping us? I mean, after all, I’m an Architect of The Bad Place, he may be hesitant—”  
Janet, without hesitation, produced what appeared to be a mobile phone “Nonsense,” she said “I believe—if I’m not mistaken—he may be… closer to The Bad Place than we may think”

“What do you mean?” Michael was stunned. An agent of Heaven? Fraternizing with an agent of Hell? But Janet ignored his question, and immediately dialed a number. It rang, and Janet handed it over to Michael. After two rings, someone answered. A low, gravelly voice answered.

“He isn’t here,” it hissed, almost morosely.

“Uh, hello, this is Michael, I’m an Architect of Bad Place Neighborhood 12358W, I need to speak to—”

“He isn’t. Here,” the voice was angry now, full of venom “Your lot discorporated him,”

“Discorporated?” Michael inquired, trying to play it cool “I’m sorry, I don’t understand”

But before Michael could get answer, the voice hung up. Michael finally stood up and straightened his coat.

“Janet, get the humans together,” he walked towards the door with newfound determination

“Sure thing! And what should I tell them?”

Michael stopped in the doorway.

“Tell them,” he inhaled. Then, steadying his voice “Tell them, we’ve got an Earth to save”


	2. An Unexpected Guest in The Bad Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley mourns the loss of his friend, while four humans meet a very strange man in the living room of Eleanor and Chidi's home.

CHAPTER TWO  
Down a street in Downtown London, Earth

The Bentley roared down the street, the demon inside holding back tears of anguish and screams of sorrow.

Those bastards burned down his angel’s bookshop, killed his best friend, and had the audacity to call him up? For Go—For Sata—For whoever-knows-what reason?

Probably wanted to rub it in, he thought, to give Crowley a taste of what awaited him in Hell after The War. An early punishment for misplacing the Antichrist, conspiracy to thwart Armageddon, killing a demon with holy water, fraternizing with an angel…

This was a warning, Crowley shuddered. He turned the Bentley around a sharp corner and stopped.

He tried to think of his next step, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t get the image of the burning bookshop out of his mind, the sound of crumbling wood and charring paper.

And Aziraphale.

He was gone.

And for the first time in a long time, Crowley allowed himself to weep.

\----Bad Place Neighborhood 12358W, the house of Eleanor Shellstrop---

“What the fork do you mean, ‘the end of the world’?”

Michael blinked as Eleanor started shouting. Michael sent Janet over to Eleanor and Chidi’s house to call an emergency meeting, and Michael followed shortly behind to deliver the news.

“Look, it’s an idea that’s been a part of what they call “The Divine Plan” for ages, I didn’t actually think higher ups would go for it” he tried to explain as Eleanor’s glare bore deep into his—well, he didn’t have a soul, so I guess into his being?—and he wiped his glasses off, trying to remain calm and collected.

“By higher ups, could you?” Tahani interjected, still trying to process “You mean the people in charge of The Good Place?”

“No, I mean the Real Deal. The Divine and Indevine. The Ineffable One and The Dark Prince. Higher and Lower than Heaven, Hell, and both the Good and Bad Places”

Everyone stared blankly at Michael. He huffed indignantly.

“They’re what you humans may have referred to as… God? And Satan?”

“So wait,” Chidi finally broke his fretting silence, looking wide-eyed at Michael “You’re saying you need our help in stopping the apocalypse? That us, four dead humans, are going to go up against The Four Horseman, the Son of Satan, AND POSSIBLY,” Chidi’s voice began to crack “God and Satan themselves?”

“Well,” Michael groaned “When you put it like that, it sounds hopeless, right?”

“You’re forking right it does!” Eleanor snapped “When were you going to tell us the world was about to forking end, you ash-hole?!”

Janet tried to neutralize the situation “Technically, we didn’t even know it was going to happen until exactly one hour, thirty-two minutes, and ten seconds ago”  
Eleanor collapsed on the couch next to Chidi, and Tahani slumped down into the armchair. Jason finally spoke up

“I don’t mean to sound dumb,” he spoke, sounding as dumb as he usually sounds “but how does the end of the world affect us if we don’t live on earth anymore? Doesn’t that just mean all of the humans are about to kick it in the afterlife?”

“No, they’re not just going to ‘kick it in the afterlife’, Jason,” Michael pinched the bridge of his nose “No matter who wins this battle, humans are royally forked. And there’s no reason for them to end this way!”

“Wait, why are you so bent on saving the human race?” Eleanor piped back up “Just a few months ago, you compared us to cockroaches, and you keep making comments about how simple and stupid we are”

The rest of the humans, besides Chidi, nodded.

What could he tell them? That in the time they had spent together in all their ethics lessons and the one or two times he’d been to Earth; he had come to like humanity? That even though, he was an ancient being of pure evil, even he thought the needless destruction of all life was ridiculous?

Or even still.

That even though it wasn’t there home anymore, he wanted to save the place where his friends called home for all their years on Earth. And somehow, that meant something to him.

“I just…do…” was all Michael could muster.

In that moment, Michael looked up at the humans, and met Chidi’s face. There was a mix of shock and realization.

Maybe all those ethics lessons were starting to pay off after all.

“Okay,” Chidi finally broke the silence “I say we stop the end of the world” He stood up and walked over to Janet, looking back at his fellow humans. Tahani rose gracefully.

“I’m in as well. I know, we don’t live there anymore, but I can’t imagine the Earth being destroyed for some… Divine Plan”

Eleanor looked at Chidi and Tahani. She then glanced at Michael; whose face lit up with hope as the two humans had risen to the occasion.

“I don’t really know what’s going on,” Jason mused “But it sounds dope, I’m in!” he leaped over Eleanor to give Janet a high five. After a moment, Eleanor took a deep breath, and stood as well.

“Look, I didn’t have such a great time while I was on Earth, and I was a total bench to everyone I met,” she started “But… some dead nerd said it is our duty to help our fellow man… so I’m in”

Everyone cheered, Chidi tried to hide a small smile.

Man, those ethics lessons really were paying off.

“But wait,” Jason broke out of the cheering “How are we supposed to stop the end of the world? Shouldn’t we have some sort of backup?”

Michael clapped his hands together. “I thought you might say that. That’s why Janet called upon some help”

Before any of the humans could question it, a flash of bright light filled the living room. When it diminished, there stood a short, stout man with golden hair and a beige coat. Eleanor thought he looked like Michael’s grandpa. Or brother even.

“Janet, thank you so much for helping me gain my body back” he spoke in a prim accent that made Tahani almost sound cockney.

The other humans stood back in shock, Eleanor bracing them with the mom arm “Who the fork is this?”

The funny man held both his hands up in gentle submission “Oh, please don’t be frightened. I’m here to help, I have the same goal as you.”

“Well then, where the devil are you from?” Tahani protested from behind Eleanor “Who are you?”

The funny man straightened himself and cleared his throat.

“My name is Aziraphale. I’m an angel, and I promise you, I want to help”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I promise there will be more Crowley soon!
> 
> This is the most inspired to write that I've been in months, so stuff keeps coming out! It helps that I have better access to a word processing program and a reliable computer now.
> 
> But here we are, chapter two already! It's going great! Hopefully Team Cockroach can help save the world. Fingers crossed, right?


	3. The Fight Before the War--or two dirtbags fight in a pub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Crowley and Aziraphale are reunited, The Soul Squad try and decipher the strange man, and four kids ride to the end of the world

Somewhere in a pub back on Earth, a demon sat slumped in a corner, two to three bottles of scotch into a bout of grieving and self-pity. He peeled his head off of the table in front of him and eyed his glass, sloshing the amber liquid around in half-hearted circles.

“Sssssshould’ve just up and took ‘im to Alpha Centauri when I had th’ chance” Crowley slurred, trying to take another sip off of his glass, failing and causing the contents to spill onto the table and the sleeve of his jacket. His head plopped back down on the table.

No sense in trying to stop the end of the world now. There wasn’t any place for him anymore. Crowley sighed heavily and tried to sit himself back up.

“Thassss it,” he decided “I’ll ‘ave a couple more’a thessse, then I’m takin’ off. Off to the ssssssstars I go”

A hand slowly pulled the glass out of Crowley’s hand, and set it down on the table.

“Actually,” the man said “I think maybe you should stay”

Crowley’s ears perked up. He recognized that voice, only this time it was surer, less prim and polite.

“You,” Crowley growled and pulled himself up to glare menacingly at Michael, who wore a plaid purple shirt and white bowtie, his glasses pushed up on the bridge of his nose.

“Hi yes, I don’t think I got to introduce myself earlier,” Michael explained, reaching a hand out to Crowley, who immediately swung a fist for Michael’s face and missed, causing him to almost fall into the table. 

This is gonna be harder than I thought, Michael mused to himself. He bent down to try and straighten Crowley up “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine in a ssssssec,” Crowley murmured. Suddenly, he sobered up, and pushed the black sunglasses back up the bridge of his nose.

“You,” Crowley snarled “You’re the bastard that killed my best friend!”

“I can assure you,” Michael raised both of his hands in a symbol of surrender “I had nothing to do with the discorporation of your friend, now I need your—”

Michael was instantly interrupted by sharp, swift fist to the face that knocked him to the ground. As Crowley shook it off, a small blonde woman ran and leaped onto Crowley’s back, trying to bite and punch at him

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME,” Crowley tried to shake her off, but Eleanor pulled out all her Arizona dirtbag fighting skills. 

“You FUCKING IDIOT,” Eleanor shouted, happily noting to herself that she could swear again “He’s trying to help you stop Armageddon, and you deck him in the face like some brooding asshole?!”

Eleanor was enjoying the ability to swear again a little too much.

Crowley finally managed to fling Eleanor off him and onto the floor. He wiped his face and found teeth marks on the back of his hand.

This woman was more formidable than any demon he had encountered in hell. He even noted that she sounded American, which may have had something to do with it.

“Why the heaven should I help him? It’s his lot that killed my best friend and are so heaven bent on ending the world. I don’t need to help you” he glared at Eleanor “Or anyone else. Good Place, Bad Place. Heaven. Hell. All the bloody same lot, all want the same thing”

“Okay, maybe some of our Higher Ups do,” Michael managed, nursing his throbbing jaw. Man, human bodies were inconvenient. “But I don’t. My friend here certainly doesn’t. And I don’t think you want it either,”

Crowley stared at Michael incredulously. Something about Michael sort of reminded him of Aziraphale, but like an off-brand version of him. Older, skinnier. More demonic than angelic.

Crowley looked away, hiding more tears.

“Look, I don’t know what you want from me,” Crowley huffed, offering a hand to Eleanor as she finally tried to get off the floor. “There’s nothing I can do to stop The War to End All Wars. I was the one that was supposed to light the fuse. Now I’ve lost the bloody Antichrist, The Horseman are almost certainly riding to The End, and now I’ve lost the only thing that really made this world worth living on.”

“Crowley…” 

Crowley looked up, and gasped. In the doorway of the pub now stood Aziraphale, looking exactly like he had before, a tall brunette trailing behind him.  
He almost couldn’t believe it.

“You’re trying to trick me, aren’t you?” he looked at Michael, then at Eleanor. Eleanor gestured towards Aziraphale, and it took everything in Crowley not to run at him and wrap his arms around him. He drew closer to Aziraphale and stopped, taking him in.

“I thought I lost you, angel…” he choked.

“Didn’t make it to Alpha Centauri, did you?” Aziraphale sighed.

Crowley shook his head, and Aziraphale tenderly lifted his hand to Crowley’s face. 

Eleanor, Michael and Janet looked on. Eleanor thought it was sweet, and kind of hot in a weird way. Michael couldn’t really decipher it. Janet just smiled, knowingly.

\---The Bad Place, Neighborhood 12358W, an hour or so earlier---

“So, you’ve been on Earth for six thousand years, befriended a demon that was supposed to bring about the end of the world, tried to co-parent the supposed antichrist so he wouldn’t come into his power,” Chidi questioned, still trying to take in the whole story that Michael and the angel—who they now knew as Aziraphale—tried to piece together for them “And this demon has somehow managed to misplace the antichrist, so we’re forked either way?”

“Yes that’s--,” Aziraphale cleared his throat “That’s the—the gist of it, as they say,”

“But you know where he is,” Tahani pressed, still incredibly awestruck at the presence of an angel (that’s how they kind of made humans feel, even without meaning to) “The antichrist, I mean. You know where he is, so you can stop him?”

“Yes, but I’m afraid it’s not that simple,” Aziraphale furrowed his brow “Even if we stop the antichrist in time, who knows what the Higher Ups will do if we thwarted Armageddon”

The humans groaned 

“Man, if everyone in The Good Place is like Buzzkill Goody-Shoes McGee over here,” Eleanor complained “Is it really worth trying to get in?”

Aziraphale brushes off Eleanor’s remark. It’s not like Gabriel hadn’t said worse to him in the past.

“But,” Azraphale turned to Michael and Janet, then turned back to the Soul Squad “I am willing to do whatever it takes. No matter the consequences.”

“Aww dope, I knew this guy was cool!” Jason went to high five him, but Tahani and Chidi grabbed the back of his shirt. “What? I always said to trust a dude in a bowtie, didn’t I?”

“Okay, take it easy, shirt-for-brains,” Eleanor moved forward towards the angel, her brow furrowed and her eyes squinting. Yes, she felt entirely warm and awestruck at his presence, but she still wasn’t so sure about this guy. She regarded him with the same cynicism and distrust she had towards Michael when he first proposed they work together.

“How do we know you really want to help?” Eleanor jabbed a finger into Aziraphale’s chest “How do we know the second things get tough or we’re face-to-face with the antichrist, you won’t try and miracle yourself out of there and leave us in the wake of certain death?”

“Really, Eleanor?” Michael groaned. Sure, it made sense when Eleanor didn’t trust him. He’s a being of pure evil (he still wasn’t too keen on calling himself a demon). But this guy? This guy was a certified, pedigree angel sent straight from Heaven in the old days. How could she not trust him?

But Aziraphale met Eleanor with more patience than Michael. After all, her tenacity and her attitude reminded him of a certain demon friend of his.

Realization struck his face.

“Crowley!”

Everyone stared at Aziraphale, not sure of what to make of his outburst.

“Who’s Crowley?” Tahani asked.

“What the fork is a Crowley?” Eleanor inquired.

“Oh,” Michael sighed “That must be the guy who hung up on me, earlier”

Aziraphale whipped around to Michael “You’ve spoken to Crowley? How is he? I tried to reach him earlier but—”

“He is fine,” Janet pipped in “He did, however, pick up the phone when we tried to contact you, and then accused Michael of killing you or discorporating you” Aziraphale blinked.  
“Oh yes,” Janet clarified “Your bookshop burned down. A candle knocked over when you were discorporated, and he must have assumed The Bad Place was behind it” she finished off with one of her cheery grins.

“That—” Michael stared at her “That would have been nice to know earlier”

“True,” Janet replied “But I did not have all the information earlier. After you headed to Eleanor and Chidi’s, I traced the call and found the remains of the bookstore”

Through all of this, Aziraphale’s face was falling

“Oh,” Michael realized “Oh, Aziraphale, I’m sorry. I know how much the bookshop meant to you,” he patted Aziraphale’s shoulder stiffly. Yea, Michael was still getting used to showing affection. He made a mental note to work on that after they saved the world, along with small talk.

“Oh, it’s not that,” Aziraphale whimpered, taking a handkerchief from Janet, who had summoned it when she noticed Aziraphale tearing up “I just-I’m worried about Crowley. I must find him, he can help us”

“Again,” Eleanor interjected “Who or What the fork is Crowley?”

“Crowley is a demon who has been on earth for as long as Aziraphale,” Janet chimed in, encyclopedically. “He and Crowley have been friends for six thousand years. Aziraphale actually has been in love with him since—”

“Okay, I do believe that’s enough” Aziraphale stops her, turning the same shade of pink as Tahani’s sundress. “He’s just-he’s my best friend (Janet made a heart gesture with her hands behind Aziraphale’s back), but he can help us. I just hope he has the book we need.”

“Well, maybe I have a book we can use?” Chidi pipped in, and began searching through his pile “There must be something here we can use,”

“Oh no, dear boy—Chidi, correct?” Aziraphale stopped him “That’s very kind of you, but it is a very specific book, and I’m not quite sure you would even have a copy. There was only ever one written”

Chidi’s shoulders slumped, but then perked back up “Well, maybe Janet can find it!”

Aziraphale turned to Janet. “Now, Miss Janet,”

“I’m not a girl”

“Oh, sorry, Janet?” Aziraphale corrected “Would you be able to retrieve a copy of ‘The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch’? I had a copy in my bookshop, maybe it’s still there?”

“Hmm, let me see,” Janet disappeared. Janet came back “I’m sorry, Aziraphale, I was unable to find a copy of ‘The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch’ in your bookshop,”

Aziraphale slumped “Well, shirt,” he stopped “Shirt. Shirt. Why the devil can’t I say--?”

“Oh, yea sorry,” Michael explained “To make this more like The Good Place, I put a no-swearing filter over the neighborhood, so you can’t say any bad words”

“Yea, it’s still bullshirt,” Eleanor muttered. Aziraphale straightened up again. 

“Well then,” he mused “If it’s not in my shop, I have faith that Crowley has it”

“How can you possibly know that?” Tahani questioned “He’s a demon, you can’t be certain you can trust—” she stopped herself as she could feel Michael glaring incredulously at her. “Sorry, Michael”

“It’s settled,” Michael clapped his hands together. “Janet? Can you get us all to Earth?”

Before Janet can reply, Aziraphale steps in “Allow me. It’s the least I can do”

Aziraphale grabs Eleanor and Michael’s hands

“Hey, take it easy there, buddy” Eleanor pulled her hand away “Don’t get any funny ideas”

“Oh, I would never!” Aziraphale blushed “No, no, this is how we’re getting back to Earth, we need to join hands for this to work”

Eleanor blushed, embarrassed. Her face turned an even darker shade of red as Chidi’s hand found hers. Tahani, Jason, and Janet followed suit. Once all of them had joined in a circle, a bright light like before flashed, and just as soon as it had, it stopped, leaving the living room empty.

\---Somewhere in Tadfield, Around the same time as the pub scene---

Four kids rode their bikes furiously down the road, lead by a young boy of about eleven. The four were still reeling over the strange event in which their leader, Adam Young, had turned into something not entirely himself, almost ending their friendship.

“Adam,” Pepper panted, her feet peddling faster than she had ever paddled “Why are we headed to an abandoned air base?”

“Because,” Adam responded, eyes fixed on the dirt path ahead, Dog galloping faithfully by him “That’s where it’s all supposed to happen”

“Actually,” Wensleydale croaked, trying to keep steady on the winding, bumpy path “Where what is all supposed to happen?”

Adam couldn’t answer. All he knew was that something bad was supposed to happen.

And he was the unwilling catalyst for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley probably wouldn't last five seconds in the Bad/Good Place with no swearing, tbh.
> 
> Finally, the Them have been introduced, albeit very briefly. Anathema and Newt will probably make an appearance in the next chapter, but I need to take a break, I've been staring at my screen all day.
> 
> So no next chapter until tomorrow, probably


	4. The Flaming Blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel corresponds with an unlikely ally, as Anathema and Newt hit an unexpected bump in the road.

CHAPTER FOUR  
\---Heaven, Gabriel’s desk, amid the pub scene—

Gabriel leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on the desk, looking rather calm, yet somewhat annoyed. He kept thinking about that stupid angel and his hypotheticals and his stammering.

Ugh, his stupid stammering.

He didn’t trust that idiot as far as he could throw him.

Suddenly, his phone pinged on his desk, and a female voice spoke.

“Gabriel, Shawn is on the line, he’d like to speak to you”

Gabriel smirked “Patch him through”

A holographic screen materialized in front of Gabriel’s desk. For a few moments it was blank, until Shawn appeared, looking as stern as always.

“Shawn, you ol’ son of a bitch, how’s Hell treating you? Ready to lose a war?”

“Gabriel,” he uttered, coldly “Have you received any word from your informant on Earth?”

Gabriel shrugged “I had Uriel and Sandalphon check up on him just the other day. Why? Cause if one of your Bad Place demons killed him off, honestly,” Gabriel toyed with a pen, nonchalantly and as arrogant as always “We don’t have to file the paperwork on that one. Consider it my pre-Armageddon gift—”

“Spare me, Gabriel” Shawn’s words cut Gabriel off, and Gabriel’s smug expression morphed into concern and incredulity (How many times has the word incredulous appeared in this fic? In how many forms? Do I know other words? What are you, a cop?).

“We have reason to believe he’s working with some of ours in an attempt to thwart Armageddon.”

“Some? There’s more than one?” Gabriel scoffed “I thought it was just that demon, what’s-his-name?” Gabriel mused “Crawly! That guy. Yea, we told Beelzebub about that one, I think one of his people is going after—”

“Not one of Hell’s demons” Shawn interrupted again, growing more annoyed with Gabriel “One of ours. An architect”

Gabriel froze.

“An architect?” he couldn’t believe that. A Bad Place architect? Working to save humanity? What, did this guy not have enough to do torturing people all day?  
“You remember Michael, don’t you?”

Gabriel gulped, his manner becoming more rigid. Ah, yes. Michael. That rat bastard. Another one that cared too much about humanity and people and wanted to make a difference, another one to send of to Hell. Or the Bad Place. Or just anywhere away from Heaven and The Good Place.

“Last I saw, Good Place security cameras caught him stealing a Janet?”

“I let it go. He had some convoluted torture scheme,” Shawn waved the idea away “Anyway, apparently he’s teamed up with Hell’s Crowley, your angel, and four undead humans to try and stop Armageddon”

Gabriel let out a whistle. Aziraphale, that dumb fucking bitch. He had another thing coming if he thought he could thwart the Divine Plan with a team like that.

“I only say this to even the playing field” Shawn cut through Gabriel’s musings “The Bad Place and Hell will still triumph in The War to End All Wars. I just wanted to warn you about a possible glitch in the plan. Something that inconveniences both of our sides”

“Well, thank you for the warning,” Gabriel straightened himself, and got up “I’ll see to it personally that this war takes off without a hitch. My treat,”

“Please do,” Shawn blinked for the first time during their entire exchange “We’ll be seeing you on the battlefield”

The screen and Shawn vanished, leaving Gabriel alone, with another fucking mess to clean up.

\--Down a different dusty road somewhere near Tadfield, amidst the pub scene—

Dick Turpin rounded a particularly sharp corner, almost tipping over. Inside the car, a witch hurriedly shuffles through a box filled with index cards, as a witch hunter tries to steady the car.

“Are you sure we’re headed in the right direction?” Newt winced as the car plopped back down on the road, hard. Anathema shot him a sideways glare and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

“I’m absolutely sure,” she shot back at him, much harsher than she meant to. He was only trying to help, and he had offered his help when he could have hightailed it out of her house after…

She shook it off, slowly turning pink at the memory.

“It’s what she said in her card,” she picked one of the index cards out of the box “Although, I’m not quite sure of what she meant by this one…”

“What does it say?” Newt questioned, glancing at Anathema

“Down the olde dirt road you’ll go to the end of the earth but be warned. The dead shall walk among you, try not to hit them? And watch for the flaming throw?”

Before Newt can question it, he shrieked and jerked Dick Turpin sharply to the left as a flaming bottle—accompanied by a loud war-cry of “BORTLES”—hurdled its way through the air and towards the car. The car skidded on the bumps in the road, and nearly turned over into a ditch.

“Oh good!” the voice belonging to the war cry exclaimed “they stopped! I told you they would”

Anathema and Newt climbed out of the car, shaken and disheveled from the sudden stop. They looked up to see two men. One of the men was taller and wore a blue and red tracksuit with a backwards baseball cap, looking very pleased with his handiwork and palming another bottle with a cloth. The other man was shorter, more worried looking, adjusting his thick black glasses and jerking the bottle from his partner’s hand.

“Jason, you idiot,” the worried man griped “you could have killed them!”

Jason shrugged “What? You said ‘Jason, flag down that car, they might be able to get us to the airport’ and I said ‘Okay, I’m gonna throw rocks at their car’ and you said ‘no, Jason, that’s dangerous’”

“So, a Moltov cocktail was safer option?!” Newt finally squeaked “you could’ve blown up my car! And killed my girlfriend!” Anathema looked at Newt, turning bright pink and flabbergasted. Newt realized what he said, opened his mouth to speak, then decided to not. The hole he was in didn’t need to be any deeper, he decided.  
At any rate, his thoughts continued, maybe they could discuss the semantics if/when they saved the world.

“Look, I’m sorry about my friend here,” the worried man spoke as he eased forward, holding his hands up in surrender “My name is Chidi Anagonye, and this is my friend Jason Mendoza, I know this is going to sound weird, but—”

“You’re dead, aren’t you?” Anathema stepped forward, clutching the index card to her chest.

“Uh,” Chidi was taken aback “Yes, wait, how did you know that?”

“I didn’t” Anathema waved the card in front of her “But she did. Plus, I can see that your aura is that of the dead, so,” Anathema placed the index card gently back into the box “So yea, I guess I knew too”

“Wait,” Chidi ventured, taking in the two live humans. He turned to Anathema “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about a prophecy book, would you?”

“Are you referring to the ‘The Nice and Accurate Prophecies— “Anathema started

“’—Of Angnes Nutter, Witch’! Yes!” Chidi finished, jubilantly. Anathema’s eyes lit up.

“You found it? You found my book?!”

Chidi froze. “N-no, but a friend of ours has it. Says it must have been left in a car? After a bike accident?”

Newt and Jason shared equally confused glances. Newt’s glance was that he was trying to process the fact that two people tried to blow him and Anathema up and are apparently not of the living world anymore, plus the fact that they knew about the book, which meant that they must also know about the impending end of the world, plus PLUS the fact that Newt foolishly called Anathema his “girlfriend”, even though they’ve really only just met, and he’s not even sure if she feels the same way but that isn’t even top priority to Armageddon that’s supposed to happen VERY SOON. It was all too much, and Newt felt like his head would explode, and he was hoping that this Jason shared in his confusion.

Jason’s glance, however, was normal for him. He still had no clue as to what was going on, and he had no idea why this dude was glancing at him so hard. Was he trying to have a staring contest? Jason could do that.

A welcomed source of predictability in these times of uncertainty. It was one of Jason’s redeeming qualities.

“Your friends wouldn’t happen to be an older gay couple?” Anathema prodded, studying Chidi. How was he here? How were they back in the realm of the living? “One that’s tall and lanky with dark glasses, and the other one’s short and wears tacky bowties?”

Chidi bit his lip nervously “Well,” he answered “I-I don’t know about the tall and lanky one—nor did I know that they’re a couple? —but I’m guessing the tall, lanky one you mentioned is Crowley. The short one sounds a lot like Aziraphale”

Aha! Those must be them.

“How do you know them? How did you get back on Earth?” Anathema prodded further, but before Chidi could answer she raised a hand to him to stop him. “No, no, we don’t have time.” She began to tread back to the car, grabbing Newt’s hand as she went. She turned back around to see Chidi and Jason still standing there, looking utterly confused.  
“Look, are you coming along or not?” she demanded. Chidi and Jason immediately made their way over to the car

“But wait,” Chidi stopped “Where are we going? And how do we know—”

“Now is not the time to have an ethical debacle, Mr. Anagonye,” Anathema waved her hand, already climbing into the front passenger seat. “For now, you’ll just have to summarize your journey on the way”

“On the way to where? Cause we're supposed to be headed to--” Chidi asked again.

“Tadfield Air Base,” Newt finally chimed in “That’s where she’s telling us to go, right? So that must be where you're headed too”

Before Chidi could ask, Dick Turpin took off with a start, piling down the road to The End of The World.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now shit's gettin' real.
> 
> Also I realized I royally forked the timeline til the end of the world, so I will 100% go back and change that.
> 
> But yay! Chapter four! There will possibly be another chapter by the end of the day. My boss is out of town for two weeks, which means I have even MORE time to write. Can I hear a wahoo?


	5. Roads Paved with Intention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two different cars travel down two different roads to the end of the earth and summarize one same story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to add line breaks in between scene shifts since it keeps going back and forth between the Bentley and Dick Turpin.

 

The Bentley roared and barreled down the road, headed for the M25, which would take half of the new and improved Team Human—four of which were crammed into the backseat—to Tadfield Air Base. On a different, more back road-ish road, Dick Turpin hurtled itself along, carrying the other half of the team, in albeit more spacious conditions.

“So, where exactly is this War to End All Wars supposed to occur?” Tahani pushed, trying to get Eleanor’s elbow out of her side.

Aziraphale flipped through The Book “It says here it’s supposed to happen at Tadfield Air Base, and the antichrist’s name is Adam Young”

 

* * *

 

“Wait, but,” Chidi flinched as Dick Turpin went over a massive bump in the road “Didn’t you say the antichrist was supposed to be some American diplomat’s son?”

“Ah dope, I tried to get one of those while I lived in Jacksonville,” Jason shouted as he thumped back down onto his seat.

“No,” Newt glanced back at Jason, feeling smarter as he spent more time around the Jacksonville native “I think the word you’re thinking off is diploma. This is a diplomat, like a political sort of position?”

“And that’s what they thought,” Anathema answered, clutching the box of index cards to her lap “But according to Agnes’ prophecies, that wasn’t the case. He ended up being misplaced”

* * *

 

“Misplaced?” Eleanor griped as the Bentley took a sharp turn, forcing the entire backseat to shove her into the window. “Dude watch it! Also, what do you mean misplaced?”

Aziraphale shot a look at Crowley, who returned it with contempt “Really, Crowley, you could slow down”

“Oh, so I’m supposed to go the normal London crawl speed limit when we’ve now got less than an hour before bloody Armageddon? It’s not like I can kill ‘em again. Relax, angel”

Eleanor shoved Tahani away from her “Oh, this coming from the guy who lost the antichrist?”

Crowley shot a fiery glare to the backseat, gripping the steering wheel and trying to talk himself out of brake checking the blonde. Aziraphale gently grabbed Crowley’s free hand and squeezed, in a way that told Crowley to keep his cool. Eleanor had to look out the window to keep from blushing as their hands met, because all she could think about was Chidi, and holding his hand after this was all over.

If there was anything after this was all over.

 

* * *

 

Anathema’s hand had made its way over to Newt’s and gently laced her fingers between his, and Chidi noticed with a blush.

Maybe, he thought, when this was all over, he and Eleanor could have a serious talk about their relationship. And maybe he could slide his hand into hers and their fingers could weave together just as perfectly as Anathema and Newt’s fingers now.

But that was a thought for another time. He shook it off.

“So, what happened?” Chidi broke his own train of thought “The night that the antichrist was brought to earth? Surely someone would’ve been competent enough not to misplace a whole baby, right?”

Anathema immediately thought of the crimson-haired demon, and muttered “You’d be amazed”  

 

* * *

 

 Back in Bentley, Crowley leans on his horn, cutting through Eleanor’s train of thought “You see,” he continued as he sped over a particularly large speed bump “I received a lot of commendations from Hell about all the misdeeds I accomplished during my time here on Earth. Most of it, to be honest, was straight rubbish, but what do they know?”

As Crowley spoke, the radio finished playing “Another One Bites the Dust”, then went straight into “Don’t Stop Me Now”. Michael groaned, more so over what he believed to be what Janet called “car sickness” rather than the unending stream of Queen.

“Michael, love, if you’re going to hurl” Crowley dismissed, pushing a button to roll down Michael’s window “I’d rather you not do it in the car”

“So, what does you being so bad have anything to do with you misplacing the antichrist?”

Tahani reached over Eleanor to grip onto the Jesu—the Satan handle—for dear life (death? Half-death? She still wasn’t quite sure, but she did know she did not enjoy being dead one bit).

“Well,” Aziraphale gripped Crowley’s hand tighter as Crowley swerved to miss a pedestrian, before unfortunately skidding to a halt into a line of standstill traffic “They believed he was the right man—or demon—for the job, so they gave him the antichrist, which was meant to go the diplomat, but something must have happened”

* * *

 

“Seriously? No follow-up? Just handed it off and assumed that was it?” Chidi couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was this Crowley the real deal, or was this something out of one of Eleanor’s oddly specific, Earth time, ethical hypotheticals?

 

* * *

 

Crowley, as Michael asked the same question around the same time, merely shrugged as he leaned on his horn

“Look, I didn’t feel like there should’ve been any follow-through” Crowley turned to the backseat “And to be fair, isn’t it sort of a good thing that happened?”

“No,” Janet chimed in, her usual cheerful manner still slightly intact. She made a note to never ride in a car again “You’re not good at your job. At all”

Crowley scoffed “I like her, this girl’s got some spunk. You sure you’re not one of ours?”

“She’s not a girl” Aziraphale corrected “And she is definitely from The Good Place”

 “My bad, Janet” Crowley fixed himself, then turned back around to face the front, resisting the urge to lean on his horn once more to part the sea of traffic like some—dare he say it—biblical figure. “So anyways, angel and I tried to godfather the wrong antichrist for seven years, eleventh birthday came around, no hellhound—LET’S PICK UP THE PACE, PEOPLE—and that’s when it hit me that—bloody hell, GET OFF THE ROAD, YOU PRICK—a mistake was made. So, here we are”

* * *

 

“I mean,” Jason butted in, as Newt began to take a left turn at a fork in the road. “babies are hard, man. But if I were in that mess, I would’ve given that baby a sick tat, or a bomb ass onesie to make it look different from the other babies. That way, everyone would know!”

“That’s” Chidi just looked at him “That defeats the whole purpose of the operation?”

“It doesn’t matter now,” Anathema jutted in, turning to the back seat “All that matters now is that we get to the air base and make sure he doesn’t prompt Armageddon”

“What’s supposed to happen at the air base?” Newt finally piped in “Besides, y’know, a huge battle?”

“Huge battle, The Four Horsemen will ride in,” Chidi worried “I read about it once, but, it may be a little different?”

* * *

 

“Nah, that’s the gist of it,” Crowley answered, as he finally had enough of the traffic and began to dodge in between stand still cars, still going over ninety miles an hour.

“So, we’re supposed to fight a kid?” Eleanor asked, sinking back into her seat “That seems a little harsh. I mean, is there a way we could convince him to… not end the world?”

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged looks

“It’s not a bad idea,” Crowley mused “What’d you think, angel?”

“What if he’s already come into his power?” Aziraphale frets “And we’re too late? He wouldn’t listen to reason”

“What kid ever has?!” Eleanor exclaimed “We can’t just go around killing kids, I don’t give a flying—and I am so happy I can say this—FUCK that he’s the son of Satan!”

“I also don’t think anyone in this car” Michael volunteered, still pressing his face to the cracked window for some air “Is a stranger to changed behavior or ethics. And I mean all of us,”

Crowley glanced over at Aziraphale, and smiled softly “He’s got a point, angel”

Aziraphale paused, and after a small sigh, he relented. He knew they were right. All his years on earth, with Crowley, with humanity, and now the brief hours he had spent with the Soul Squad really proved that everything wasn’t divided into Good versus Evil.

“Alright,” he finally said “We will try to reason with him”

* * *

 

“NEWT LOOK OUT!” Chidi screamed from the backseat. Newt looked ahead and promptly slammed on the brakes just before his car could collide with the four children biking down the same road. The four got out of the car, and the children stopped biking.

“Anathema!” Adam shouted happily, dropping his bike and running towards the car.

“Adam!” Anathema was surprised and relieved to see Adam and the Them, and she ran to greet them. Chidi and Jason grew anxious at the name “Adam”. Was that him? Why was Anathema so close to the son of Satan? Was she secretly against them?

“Adam, wha—what’s happening?” Anathema panted, still reeling in her head that she didn’t realize sooner that her young friend was the antichrist.

“There’s not a lot of time,” Adam explained “is there anyway you can take all of us to Tadfield Air Base?”

“That’s where we’re headed!” Newt tapped the roof of the car enthusiastically, inviting the Them to join them.

“Wait, you’re supposed to be bringing about—” Chidi went to protest but met Adam’s gaze and suddenly felt. Surprisingly comforted?

Maybe this kid wasn’t the antichrist either.

“The end of the world? I wanted to before,” Adam explained “But I can’t do that if it means that I lose my friends”

“Actually,” Wensleydale panted, sliding himself into the backseat of Dick Turpin “You should have seen him before. His eyes went all red and he levitated in the sky!”

“Yea,” Brian quipped back, actually finding the whole thing amusing now “And he made our mouths disappear”

Chidi had no idea how to respond to any of that. But again, he wasn’t very good with kids to begin with.

“We’ll save the details for in the car,” Adam pushed Chidi and Jason back towards the car and pushed them inside, finally climbing over the two of them and squeezing into the now cramped back seat “Now we’ve gotta go. There are some friends of mine meeting at the air base, and I can’t let them start any trouble”

Before Chidi could explain—or even try to convince the four kids and Jason to put on a seatbelt—the car jolted back to life, and sped down the road again, growing closer to the final battle at hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Finally have a fifth chapter! I had to step away from it for a day or two I was starting to get a little burned out and blocked. But I hope you enjoy it! I may try to end this thing at 7 chapters, so we're getting close to the end!


	6. Teamwork Makes the Dreamwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The anti-Armageddon squad finally come together at Tadfield Air Base to face off against the end of the world, along with some Divine/Occult intervention...

\--Tadfield Airbase, mere minutes til the End of the World—

 

Both cars came rolling up to the air base, and their inhabitants piled out like clowns out of a clown car.

“Chidi! Jason! You made it!” Michael gasped, trying desperately not to vomit. He had never done it, and he didn’t want to start now.

“What the fuck is a Chidi?” Crowley asked, becoming embarrassed when Chidi spoke up

“Yea, we managed to get a ride—wait,” Chidi realized “We couldn’t have ridden together? Why did you make Jason and I walk?! In the WOODS?”

“Don’t think that should be your biggest takeaway,” Anathema remarked.

Eleanor saw Anathema and glared “Who the fuck is this?”. She suddenly felt incredibly jealous, given that Chidi had ridden all the way to the air base with this gorgeous, tanned giraffe that sounded like an American version of Tahani but with Chidi’s glasses.

The jealously may have been replaced by something else, but that’s a thought for another time.

“Oh, yea. This is Ant-Man, and Newton,” Jason piped up “We almost blew up their car while we were walking through the woods, and they brought us here” Jason stopped. “Oh, and we found these kids, I think one of them said they were the anti-crust? Whatever that means. Also, this guy’s car is named Dick, isn’t that funny?!”

This was a lot to take in, the entire group thought. The Them were snickering. Was this guy for real?

“I-You just can’t—I’m” both Aziraphale and Michael stammered to try and process everything Jason had just said.

“Oh, okay” Eleanor put it together “Okay, which one of you kids is the antichrist? We need to have a come-to-Jesus talk right now”

Crowley cringed at Eleanor’s choice of words, but before he could protest, Adam stepped forward.   


“That’d be me, I suppose” he answered. Eleanor approached him, then leaned down to meet his gaze.

“Look man,” Eleanor began “I know it’s in your cosmic, divine, whatever purpose… but you can’t bring about Armageddon and end the world—”

“I know,” Adam replied. Everyone exchanged confused looks.

“Well… wait,” Eleanor blinked “You’re-you’re not going to end the world?”

“No. I don’t see how that’ll make things better,” he shrugged.

“I always thought you can make the world better without destroying it” Brian added.

“Actually,” Wensleydale added “I agree with him”

“So, Adam led us here to help him stop the War” Pepper included “And Ms. Device and her weird friends gave us a ride”

Michael finally regained his composure, and straightened his tie “Okay, great! Then we may have a chance to win this thing!”

“We’ll have to beat those Horsemen you were telling us about,” Tahani remarked, before turning and starting for the entrance to the air base.

“Tahani, you can’t just walk onto an American air base,”

“I’ll have you know,” she retorted “I happen to be very close friends with an American diplomat and a most trustworthy man. I’m sure if I told those guards that my friend Barack needed us to get into this airbase, we’ll be in”

“Oh come off it,” Crowley scoffed “Barack? You’re gonna tell me you’re friends with THE Barack?”

“Yes,” Tahani didn’t understand the implication. In fact, she had spent many a summer at the Obamas summer home and grew very close to Michelle and Barack over the years. Tragedy about the new fellow in office though.

“Hang on,” Crowley bent down as if to pick something up, and Aziraphale rolled his eyes, knowing exactly where this was going “I think you dropped another name there, Tahani”

Tahani huffed “Well, do you happen to have another idea? Shall we say we lost a child, I’m sure it’d be believable coming from you!”

Eleanor and The Them—excluding Adam—fell out from laughter. Adam stopped them.

“We can’t stop a war if all we’re going to do is bicker!” he interjected, and Tahani and Crowley stopped their arguing. Before anyone else could come up with a suggestion, shouting and commotion broke out from inside the air base.

“Well, we’ll just have to get creative,” Aziraphale made his way to the gate, motioning for everyone else to follow. The team reached the front gate to find it unguarded and open, which raised red flags.

That can’t be good.

As the team reached the inside of the base, they spotted the Horseman. War had already wiped out a fleet of American soldiers, her red in her hair glowing brighter, along with the bloodlust in her eyes.

“So glad you could finally join us, Adam” the chilling voice of Death rose over the rest of the commotion. Adam remained calm and unphased.

“Shall we get a move on?” Famine slinked out from behind Death, his hollow cheeks and slim frame seemed hellish against the backdrop of flames that had broken out across the base “I hunger for the final battle, we’ve waited too long”

“This cannot go on,” Adam said, his voice sounding more commanding than his years let on “We can’t just end the world”

“Look around you, my lord” War declared, strutting her way closer to the group “These humans are bringing themselves to destruction. They fight each other and find new ways and reasons to kill and torture each other”

“Billionaires hoard wealth and basic needs” Famine slithered, fixing an unsettling stare into Tahani “While millions of ‘innocent’ people starve and rot in the streets”

“Not to mention,” Pollution crept up behind Chidi, making him jump “All the glaciers melting, all the trash in the oceans and forests, all the smoke and smog in the air… suffocating all the humans and animals…”

The Horsemen readied themselves to strike. Then all four spoke in horrific unison.

“End it for them. Make things better by ending it all”

As half of the group faced off against the Horsemen outside, Jason, Anathema, and Newt had snuck into the control room, noting all the alarms and red lights going off—other countries pleading with the base to fix their mistake, to stop the missiles.

“Ah man,” Jason breathed “This is just like all those end-of-the-world movies. Are we on a movie set? This a dope ass movie, it’s so realistic!”

“How do you--?” Anathema started, then stopped. Now really wasn’t the time to question how on Earth Jason had no idea of what was going on, even after it had already been explained about ten times since the story had started.

“Nevermind,” she brushed Jason off “How do we stop the missiles? There’s got to be an off sequence or something”

Newt tried to steady his breath “I-I know there’s a stop sequence,” he stuttered “But-but I can’t remember it. I’m panicking, I can’t think straight”

As Newt’s breathing became less steady, Jason put his hand over Newt’s heart, and just calmly looked at him. Suddenly, for some strange reason, Newt felt comforted.

“Don’t worry bro,” Jason cooed “We could just ask Janet!” He turned around, and said loudly “HEY, JANET?!”

Janet popped into the room with a ping, making Anathema and Newt jump.

“Hi there! I’m glad you brought me in here,” Janet chirped “Things are getting a little tense out there, I’ll tell you that much”

“How is Janet—no offense, madam—going to help us disable the missiles?” Newt nervously gulped. Janet cocked her head to the side.

“Janet’s like-a super smart, super powerful robot that knows everything!” Jason added, excitedly

“Not a robot,” Janet added “But, I do have an extensive knowledge of missile sequences and doomsday avoidance strategies. I may be able to help!”

Before Newt or Anathema could answer, Janet pinged over to the set-up of monitors and bright buttons. She tapped for a few seconds and stopped. She turned to the humans. “Now, would any of you like to press this button,” she pointed to a large button that now glowed red “And end the upcoming apocalypse? I can’t have all the fun!”

 

Adam glared forward at the Four Horsemen.

“No.”

The Horsemen were confused.

“This isn’t the way to do it” Adam stepped forward “You can’t destroy something in order to make it better.”

Silence. Then the Horseman began to cackle, a terrifying cackle that made even Crowley’s skin crawl in fear.

“Foolish child,” Death sneered “Don’t deny your cosmic path. This is the only way,”

Eleanor finally had enough. “Hey, barfbags!” The Horsemen all turned to shoot an incredulous glare are the mouthy blonde.

“He said he’s not gonna start Armageddon,” she moved to stand in front of Adam, feeling surprisingly like a momma bear. “So, back it up, folks. Cause you’re just going to have to find someone else to start your stupid war”

War scoffed, then sauntered over to Eleanor, getting so close that Eleanor could smell the blood and smoke that emanated off her.

“Well,” War sneered, putting the flaming sword up to Eleanor’s chin, and Eleanor tried to contain a wince from the flame that licked at her throat “I suppose there are other ways to get this party going”

Eleanor gulped. Not wanting this insufferably hot and terrifying lady anywhere near Adam or The Them or any of her friends, she made a rash decision.

“Hey, what’s that over there?” Eleanor pointed. Surprisingly, War took the bait, and almost as soon as she did, Eleanor’s fist collided with her face, as Adam ducked underneath the two and wrenched the sword from War’s hand. War stumbled back, dumbfounded.

“How did—“she began, but before she could, the flaming sword was thrust deep into her abdomen, Pepper and Adam being the ones to push the blade in

“We believe in peace,” Pepper declared, then added “Bitch”

As War crumbled, Eleanor felt a twinge of pride for these young kids that she—after coming to her own executive decision—had come to love as her own in such a short time.

The rest of The Them descended upon the remaining Horsemen, and Eleanor turned to the group.

“I guess we really can teach the children,” she beamed with pride

“Are—” Chidi went to say something, still creeped out by Pollution’s entrance “Should we—do something?”

“Nah, I think the kids got it” Eleanor brushed her hands together, then placed them triumphantly on her hips.

As the Them polished off the rest of the Horsemen—with Death reluctantly leaving on his own, after hissing at Adam that they would return—the rest of the group dashed over to the Them.

“Hey homies!” Jason and the rest ran out of the control center “We disable all the missiles! We did it!”

Adam picked up the flaming sword and handed it to Aziraphale “I believe this is yours?”

Aziraphale flushed, embarrassed, and took the weapon from Adam. “Thank you, dear”

Before anyone could say anything, a bolt of lightning struck, and with a crash of thunder Gabriel appeared in front of the group, looking formidable and—quite frankly—pissed off. Gabriel’s entrance was soon followed by Beelzebub and Shawn, who both rose up from the ground through a pile of crumbling rock and ash.

“Well, well,” Gabriel tisked disapprovingly, looking around the air base “This is a sorry excuse for a war I’ve ever seen.”

“We made other plans,” Eleanor quipped back. Ugh, something about Gabriel made her want to vomit. Or climb him like a tree. Why was she like this?

“Oh?” Gabriel looked at her, then started laughing “Oh my god, Eleanor Shellstrop? God, I remember when you died, sending you to The Bad Place was so satisfying, you’re such a dirtbag!”

Eleanor shrunk back, suddenly feeling less confident.

“Yes,” Shawn said, as coldly as ever “And yet her she and the other humans are, continuing to be in places they shouldn’t be.” He turned to shoot an icy look at Michael and Crowley, which both returned with sneers “I suppose the humans being here is your doing, Michael?”

“Actually it’s—” Aziraphale stepped forward, grabbing Crowley’s hand “I-I brought the humans back to Earth. And Michael. Crowley and Michael aren’t responsible for that one.”

“I should have known Crowley wasn’t responsible” Beelzebub buzzed, unamusingly “As it would seem all of his reports over the past six thousand years are utter bullshit”

“That took a lot of balls, Azira-fail,” Gabriel spat at Aziraphale “I didn’t think you had the balls for something like that. Or the balls to thwart your enemy over the past six thousand years.”

Crowley and Aziraphale squeezed each other’s hands.

“Excuse me,” Tahani marched up to Gabriel and pressed an indignant finger into his chest “Is that any way to treat your subordinates? Mr. Aziraphale has shown more gusto strength and more courage over the past three hours than I’m sure you’ve ever shown in your entire existence”

Gabriel was taken aback. How dare this human try and tell him how to treat his fellow angel. Crowley just looked on in silent approval and considered that maybe he was wrong about Ms. Al-Jamil.

“Enough chitchat” Shawn cut through the tension “Adam, you are supposed to bring about Armageddon, The War to End All Wars, and you have not done your duty. I suggest you—”

“No,” Adam interrupted, and Shawn just looked at him. Beelzebub stepped in “You stubborn boy,” he scathed “You dare defy the very reason you were conceived in the first place? Your father wouldn’t be very happy if you—”

“He’s not my dad,” Adam interrupted again “And I don’t want to end the world. Why can’t I use my powers for good? And help save the earth and all the people in it instead?”

“Enough of this!” Gabriel spat, angrily “Now, you better start a war, and you better start it quick, or else!”

“Or else what?” Eleanor jabbed, standing close by Adam. She punched a demon, a Horseman of the Apocalypse, and she was not afraid to serve these hands to an Archangel either. “You’re gonna run off and tell his dad? That’s supposed to scare him? Go ahead, tell his dad. No matter what you do or threaten him with, this kid isn’t gonna start Armageddon. So you can just fuck RIGHT BACK OFF to Heaven, Hell, Good Place, Bad Place, I don’t give a SHIT”

Now Eleanor was right in Gabriel’s face, fists balled at the ready. Gabriel was actually scared. Was she really human? Or had The Bad Place accidentally turned her into a ruthless demon?

“And do you wanna know why this kid won’t do what you say?” she sneered, causing Gabriel to back up a little

“It’s because—”

“YA BASIC!!” the Them piped up, piling up behind Eleanor.

The rest of the group was shocked. Eleanor probably had more balls than any of them combined. And even if he would never admit it, Crowley was silently cheering her on and hoping she’d deck him in the face. Aziraphale silently hoped for this too.

Gabriel backed up, then turned to the Prince of Hell and Shawn, completely baffled. But fear even started to bubble up in Beelzebub, and Shawn looked only slightly shaken.

“Fine,” Shawn finally spoke “You’ve made a good case for humanity this time. But this will not be the last time Armageddon is mentioned.” Shawn stepped forward and got in Eleanor’s face

“And as for you and the other Bad Place humans, I suggest you say your goodbyes now, as we WILL be taking you back. To the REAL Bad Place”

“Oh, I’m not scared of you, Shawn” Eleanor said, almost in a hiss. Suddenly she felt heat rising in her body.

Almost Hellish heat. She stepped forward, her eyes turning from their normal blue into white hot and piercing. The Archangel, Prince of Hell, and Shawn all took a collective step back.

“Now,” Eleanor said, in a hellish voice “Why don’t all of you fuck RIGHT OFF?”

“Or else what?” Gabriel had had enough of this. Obviously, he could take a demon, right?

Wrong. Before Gabriel could strike, Eleanor had grabbed the Archangel’s arm, twisted it into an unholy twist—which prompted an agonizing scream from Gabriel—and brought Gabriel to his knees.

The humans suddenly became concerned. Aziraphale felt like he should step in, but he suddenly noticed Crowley, Michael and Adam hunched together. Crowley making a series of unnoticeable, intricate gestures as Michael and Adam held a hand over their mouth.

“MERCY, MERCY” Gabriel shouted, face becoming flushed with pain and embarrassment “LET ME GO”

“Funny, I thought angels were supposed to practice that kind of thing” Eleanor’s demonic voice hissed. She jerked Gabriel around to face Aziraphale

“You’re going to apologize to him, and then the three of you are going to fuck off”

Beelzebub stepped forward to try and thwart Eleanor, but Shawn stopped him. He didn’t care if Gabriel got discorporated but having the Prince of Hell discorporated was going to be a mess of paperwork and explanation that Shawn didn’t care to go through.

“I’m sorry, Azira-fai—OW, OW, AZIRA-PHALE, AZIRAPHALE” Gabriel cried “I’m sorry, AziraPHALE”

“Now tell him what a small dick, punk ass bitch you are,” Eleanor hissed (Aziraphale shot a look at the possession trio, as if to signal that that was enough)

“Now, really, that isn’t necessary,” Aziraphale offered, the Them snickering behind him, Chidi staring in awe.

“I-I’m a,” Gabriel stopped and looked up at Eleanor pleadingly, but Eleanor just tightened her grip on his twisted arm “I’m—a small dick, punk ass bitch, and we’re not going to bother you again”

Eleanor finally let go and shoved him back towards the opposing forces, Gabriel’s arm still singed from the hellfire that had emanated off her.

The opposing forces looked at one another, then collectively decided that it wasn’t worth the trouble.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Gabriel mumbled, scrambling to hold onto any sort of Heavenly dignity he had left. Beelzebub and Shawn nodded in agreement. In a crumble of earth and a flash of lightening, the opposing forces left.

Crowley, Adam and Michael released their hold on Eleanor, and Eleanor tried to catch her breath, feeling like she just ran a marathon.

“Whoa, I feel dizzy,” Eleanor panted, and looked at the rest of the group, all of whom were staring at Eleanor in shock and awe. “What?”

“Oh nothing,” Chidi stammered “You just-you okay there, Eleanor?”

“Duuuuuude, you looked like you were possessed!” Jason laughed “You made Gabriel said he had a small dick!”

Eleanor’s face was scrunched in confusion, but then her expression turned to exasperation and turned to Michael and Crowley.

“Seriously, guys?” Eleanor protested “I thought we were above demonic possession!”

“Well, as intimidating as you are by yourself,” Michael chuckled “We thought you needed a little extra help”

“Besides,” Adam added, sheepishly “It was mostly my idea. You stood up for me and my friends against the Horsemen and those guys from the other side. I had to re-pay you somehow”

Eleanor’s face softened. This Adam kid really was a sweetheart.

“Now, can we get out of here? I’m starved, and I haven’t felt real hunger in a long ass time”

“I know of a really good place,” Aziraphale chimed in, reclaiming Crowley’s hand in his own “And I think, a table for—let’s see, one, two—thirteen just opened up”

The group made their way out of the air base, and drove off in two different cars to the Ritz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it's not painfully obvious, I do not like Gabriel at all lmao
> 
> Also I know the battle scene should have been more epic, but I wasn't quite sure how to incorporate thirteen people against four horsemen. Plus, I like the idea of the Them finishing them off. Ah well, excuses, excuses.
> 
> Anyways, this is probably going to be the last big action chapter, so this really might be only seven chapters (sadness) but this is my longest fanfiction ever, so woohoo! Here's to more after this one's all over


	7. A Time of New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes on as it should in the second beginning, with some happy surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all gonna be just a bunch of fluff and no real plot points, but what a way to end it, right?

\--In a flat in London, two weeks after the Apocalypse that wasn’t—

 

Aziraphale turned a page in his book, then returned his hand into Crowley’s, who was currently draped over the couch with his head laying gently in Aziraphale’s lap. Ever since the Apocalypse-that-wasn’t, Aziraphale and Crowley decided to move into Crowley’s flat together, the bookshop still open for show, and as a place the newly alive Chidi could work. Instead of returning the Soul Squad back to the grave, Adam had suggested they get a second chance at life.

“Y’know,” Adam had mused through large bites of food “We could always use more people to keep the world a better place,”

The Soul Squad had looked at each other, before Tahani offered “Well, after that dreadful encounter with Gabriel and the Prince of Hell, I suppose there isn’t quite a place for us in the afterlife right now”

“Would that mess up the natural order?” Chidi questioned, gently stroking Eleanor’s hand underneath the table, hoping the answer would be no.

“Screw the natural order,” Michael shrugged, taking another swig of his drink “We just fought off the powers of Heaven, Hell, and all the Armageddon bullshit, I think ‘natural order’ is all behind us”

“Besides,” Crowley added, raising his eyebrows at Aziraphale “there’s no one to tell us no now, angel. It’s on us”

Aziraphale, not needing to be convinced to keep the Soul Squad alive and on earth, turned to Chidi “Well, I could use an extra hand in my bookshop. Unless, you’re wanting to relocate somewhere else?”

“Nonsense,” Crowley interjected “That’ll be perfect, there’s a fully furnished flat above the shop, he’ll even have a place to live”

Aziraphale turned a rosy shade of pink, and all the humans at the table smiled “Darling, that’s my flat”

“Dude,” Eleanor looked at him “He’s asking you to move in with him! Just say yes!”

Aziraphale smiled at Crowley, who in turn placed a very gentle kiss on the angel’s cheek.

“Well,” Aziraphale relented “If you insist. Eleanor, that flat is—big enough for two, with some adjustments”

Eleanor and Chidi blushed, and a cheeky grin spread across Aziraphale’s face.

The Them made gagging noises, but deep down they thought it was sweet. They were eleven after all.

Michael raised his glass to his table of friends, both old and new, and all of them followed suit.

“To the world” he toasted.

They all toasted to the world, Crowley and Aziraphale gazing at each other as it was said.

 

In those two weeks, Aziraphale moved into Crowley’s flat, while Eleanor and Chidi took over the flat in the bookshop, both working very hard as avid employees trying not to sell old books.

“So, no crumbling sky?” Crowley said, closing his eyes as Aziraphale’s hand moved from his hand into his flaming red locks “No boiling seas, no smiting voice of—any higher power?”

“Nothing that I’ve been made aware of” Aziraphale noted, finally placing his book down on the coffee table to fully look at Crowley, really soaking in the all the love that radiated off him.

“Then, I guess everything is back to normal,” Crowley purred, returning the angel’s gaze with fondness and a tenderness that Aziraphale hadn’t seen in centuries. “And the—the two humans? They’re getting on well in the shop?”

“I am happy to report,” Aziraphale beamed “That they might soon be Mr. and Mrs. Anagonye-Shellstrop”

Crowley returned Aziraphale’s excitement “Well, this calls for a celebration, let me go grab some wine!”

As Crowley sat up on the couch, Aziraphale placed a hand on Crowley’s shoulder, gently pulling him to face him, faced flushed. Crowley had come to love every touch that Aziraphale gave him since the not-apocalypse. Every gentle caress, every kiss, and every touch was an act of freedom on both parts, and Crowley wanted to live forever in the soft glow of how it felt. The two stayed there for a moment, then without a word, Crowley broke the distance and brought his lips to Aziraphale’s. Aziraphale kissed him back, and Aziraphale never felt more sure of anything else than this: he wanted Crowley. Here. With him, like this. For as long as the earth would let them.

 As they pulled away, Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s hand and slipped a silver band onto one of Crowley’s fingers. Crowley stared down at the ring, then brought his gaze back to Aziraphale. Both turned bright pink, and tears of joy began to stream down Crowley’s cheeks.

“Actually,” Aziraphale whispered, bringing a hand to Crowley’s face “I thought—Well, I was hoping that—maybe we could—”

Before Aziraphale could even get his thoughts together, Crowley had slipped a gold band onto Aziraphale’s finger and kissed it.

“I was wanting to ask you the same, angel”

The two began to laugh and pulled each other in close, holding onto each other in another newfound bliss of their new world.

\--The flat above the bookshop, just an hour earlier—

Eleanor hastily pulled a roast out of the oven and carried it to the small dining room table her and Chidi shared in their flat. She took a moment to look at the arrangement she made, knowing Tahani and Aziraphale would both be proud. Eleanor took her eyes off the table and slowly looked around the flat.

After they left the Ritz two weeks earlier, Crowley and Aziraphale gave Eleanor and Chidi a ride to the bookshop, the four happily chattering away about bookshop duties and the possibility of meeting for lunch again soon. After the Bentley dropped the two off and Aziraphale handed them the keys, the two were left on the sidewalk staring up at the shop.

“So,” Eleanor broke the small silence between them “Should we—should we go in?”

Chidi just looked at her, a small grin spreading across his face. Eleanor blushed and smiled too.

“Eleanor,” Chidi squeezed her hand “If-if you’re not ready for us to live—I’m sure I could find another place to live here, there’s plenty of places to—”

Eleanor broke Chidi’s ramblings off with a kiss on the cheek.

“There is no other stuttering goob I’d rather share an apartment with, Chidi” she teased, taking both his hands in hers “I mean, we shared a house together in the Bad Place, right?”

“And truly” Chidi pressed his lips to Eleanor’s hands “Given the choice, I’m glad it’s you that I get to share this with”

 

And for the past two weeks, Eleanor and Chidi gracefully settled into their positions at the bookshop, becoming the best non-salesmen of books Aziraphale had ever seen. He even praised Chidi for adding a few rare philosophy books to the collection, while admonishing Eleanor for her selection of trashy magazines (she insisted that if they weren’t going to buy anything, at least let them take home a magazine chock full of celebrity gossip—in which Aziraphale relented).

Every night the two would stay up until the wee hours of the morning, talking about anything and everything they could. And when Chidi opened up about his own past, Eleanor gladly listened.

Eleanor could honestly and earnestly say, she loved Chidi.

And now was better than ever to ask him the big one.

Eleanor snapped out of her own thoughts and untied the apron from her neck and waist, hanging it gingerly on the hook near their front door. She quickly changed and threw on a touch of makeup, then the door opened.

“Eleanor? I’m sorry I’m back so late, I picked up some fresh bread from the market I thought—”

Chidi stopped as he saw the dining room set-up. Two candles flickered atop silver candlestick holders which framed a vase full of flowers that Chidi had brought home yesterday.

Suddenly, a warmth spread over him.

“Hey” he turned around to see Eleanor, who leaned sheepishly in the doorway to their room. “I-I thought I could try and make us some dinner? You know, you always cook I felt like I should—”

She stopped as Chidi still stared in amazement “You-you did all this? Just because?”

“Well, yes and no,” Eleanor fumbled, then slowly made her way to Chidi, nervously tugging at the sleeve of her blouse “I-I did it mainly-mainly for you,”

Chidi blushed and the world’s goofiest grin began to spread across his face. He fumbled with his grocery bags and set them in the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of wine. “The least I can do. Your favorite?”

As Chidi turned around, Eleanor was down on the floor on one knee.

“Eleanor,” he breathed, almost dropping the wine.

“Look, I know,” she trembled and began to dig through the pockets of her pants “I know, we’ve only known this version of each other for about—two and a half months? But deep down, we’ve known each other way longer than that. We’ve known each other hundreds of times and hundreds of ways”

Chidi began to get misty-eyed, something he was still learning to be comfortable about around Eleanor. Eleanor, this crass yet caring firecracker who broke down every wall Chidi had ever built and rebuilt gardens on the remains. Eleanor, who he had to subtly pinch himself to make himself believe that she was really in front of him right now, about to ask a seriously important question.

“And now that we have the honor of one more life on earth,” she finally pulled out a small box, and Chidi sank to the floor to meet her gaze “I want to spend every second of it with you,”

Chidi made his way over to Eleanor. The two stayed there for a moment in silence. Had Eleanor spoken too soon? Had she ruined what they had? As she began to kick herself over all the things she had said, Chidi produced a small box from his own coat pocket.

“I think” he started, reaching a hand out to Eleanor, whose jaw dropped in shock and glee “I know that any place that I’m with you is a ‘Good Place’, and I can’t imagine any part of my life now without you”

The two embraced, then joined together in a kiss. As they pulled away, they both fumbled to get their rings onto each other’s fingers, giggling through tears of joy. Their lips met again, and the two crumbled to the floor in a flurry of kisses and smiles. Chidi grinned at Eleanor and brought a hand up to her face.

He could have stayed there forever, laying on the floor with Eleanor’s head on his chest, taking in this warmth.

“Hey, Chidi” Eleanor finally spoke, taking in the rise and fall of Chidi’s breath.

“Yes?”

“Are you—do you want to eat?” she looked up at him. “Now that I got the hard question out of the way, we should eat before this all gets cold”

They got up from the floor “Did you do all this yourself?”

“I mean,” Eleanor pulled Chidi’s chair out for him, then went to grab the wine and the glasses “I may have asked Tahani and Aziraphale for a little consultation—I mean, both of them have the hostess gene”

Eleanor came back out and handed Chidi his glass, then sat down. They raised their glasses to each other

“So, what should our last name be?” Chidi questioned “Do you want to be Mrs. Anagonye? I’d be open to being Mr. Shellstrop”

Eleanor thought for a moment, then raised her glass to Chidi’s

“Anagonye-Shellstrop. I think we should combine them,”

Chidi smiled, then they clinked their glasses together

“To us” Chidi grinned.

“To our own Good Place” Eleanor answered

And so, life went on, as if starting over from the beginning. With Autumn came Eleanor and Chidi’s nuptials in a historic church in the heart of London. Winter brought Aziraphale and Crowley together in marital bliss in garden of the Lavender Cottage, with Anathema as the officiant.

Michael had returned from Alpha Centauri for both occasions, and the Them had insisted they be a part of both wedding processionals.

The new-and-improved Soul Squad went on, all of them maintaining very strong contact with each other.

And life went on as it normally did.

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh what's that? TWO PROPOSALS AND TWO WEDDINGS? BAM! 
> 
> It was probably to be expected, but I thought we end this thing on a happy note.
> 
> Thank you all so much for all the love and support you have given to me and to this fic! You're all so kind and inspiring and I hope to give you guys more stories and fics soon <3

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so a lot of stuff in here might conflict with canon, I'm slowly making my way through my third watch-through of "The Good Place"
> 
> But, I liked the idea of meshing the two together! Both have similar themes of the nature of good and evil, and I feel like Michael and Crowley have some similarities. But hey, now that I've started writing fanfiction, I c a n n o t be stopped.


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